Vanguard News Network
VNN Media
VNN Digital Library
VNN Reader Mail
VNN Broadcasts

Old November 12th, 2012 #1401
Soldatul Vostru
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Wrong Parallel Universe
Posts: 3,499
Default

 
Old November 12th, 2012 #1402
Soldatul Vostru
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Wrong Parallel Universe
Posts: 3,499
Default

FAIL.

 
Old November 14th, 2012 #1403
littlefieldjohn
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 8,105
Default

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating.

You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring and sensitive her husband is.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your dad caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...."I would have gotten out today."
 
Old November 16th, 2012 #1404
Galloglaigh
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 178
Default

 
Old November 18th, 2012 #1405
Leyla de Aragón
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Barcelona
Posts: 197
Blog Entries: 19
Default



 
Old November 21st, 2012 #1406
Crowe
Senior Member
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8,089
Default



I've always wondered how they keep the coons out of the watermelon patch
 
Old November 24th, 2012 #1407
Leyla de Aragón
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Barcelona
Posts: 197
Blog Entries: 19
Default

 
Old November 24th, 2012 #1408
Angel Ramsey
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 6,145
Default

Um....yeah, about that......
 
Old November 27th, 2012 #1409
Leonard Rouse
Celebrating My Diversity
 
Leonard Rouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: With The Creepy-Ass Crackahs
Posts: 8,156
Default

Negotiations broke down as Long [Jeff Long, U of Arkansas Athletics Director] was told that it didn't feel like they were working as a team. The negotiations were going to be shut down. The only way the negotiations would be reopened would be if Long would go up to the Bronx and get some breast milk from a Cambodian immigrant.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Jeff Long had it his way, he'd never work. He'd just stay home all day, watch Scarface 50 times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fricking day. Then he'd dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then he'd take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That's funny to him. Then he'd paint, and read, and play violin. He'd climb the mountains, and sing the songs that he likes to sing. But he don't got that kinda time.


-------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's what I can confirm about the Cambodian immigrant breast milk situation. My source is about as good as it gets and has never steered me wrong before. Still, the situation is fluid, and changing by the minute.

I'm told that we have someone at Wal-Mart who is confident they can source it for us via a sex-trafficking ring that uses their Chinese and SEA distribution centers for cover.

If that doesn't pan out, Tyson foods has a fallback supply chain based in Laos via Australia, and can get it from the pregnant wife one of their primary Pacific Ring spice vendors's nephews.

Either way, rest assured, we will get more than enough Cambodian immigrant breast milk. Cambodian immigrant breast milk is a non-issue at this point. Mark it down.

I know for a FACT that JB Hunt is providing the logistics stateside.

Lindsey suggested we substitute Marshallese immigrant breast milk, but that was shot down before it even came up for a vote with the BOT.

Take all of that FWIW.
 
Old December 2nd, 2012 #1410
Roy Wagahuski
professional critter
 
Roy Wagahuski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: under your bed
Posts: 1,618
Default

http://gifura.orzhk.org/src/1332235315120.swf
__________________
"Don't underestimate the power of 'evil.' ... The fact is, 'evil' makes women horny and men curious. Use those to further the cause."
 
Old December 2nd, 2012 #1411
ToneDeaf
Senior Member
 
ToneDeaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 701
Default

spam ? . . . link does not work
 
Old December 3rd, 2012 #1412
Roy Wagahuski
professional critter
 
Roy Wagahuski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: under your bed
Posts: 1,618
Default

It works, just not on windows 95.
__________________
"Don't underestimate the power of 'evil.' ... The fact is, 'evil' makes women horny and men curious. Use those to further the cause."
 
Old December 4th, 2012 #1413
Steven L. Akins
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: The Heart of Dixie
Posts: 13,170
Default


Cigar box label from 1883 by Mensing & Stecher of Rochester, New York.

Lime Kiln Club 1883 Black Americana Cigar Label by Mensing & Stecher of Rochester, New York. A lithographed 8" x 6" inner label with a caricature image of a very boisterous group of blacks at a lodge meeting. The moderator is trying to get order while some of the members talk and fight amongst themselves with one even holding a pistol. There is a trademark on the bottom of a whiskey barrel in the picture that may possibly be for the Ithaca Cigar Manufacturing Co. for whom the label was made. Interestingly, this label was based on a racial parody book by "M. Quad" (actually newspaper columnist and satirist Charles Bertrand Lewis) titled Brother Gardner's Lime-Kiln Club.
 
Old December 5th, 2012 #1414
Leonard Rouse
Celebrating My Diversity
 
Leonard Rouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: With The Creepy-Ass Crackahs
Posts: 8,156
Default

 
Old December 5th, 2012 #1415
littlefieldjohn
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 8,105
Default

MISSISSIPPI DECLARES WAR ON U.S. GOVERNMENT

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang."Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Tom, my next-door-neighbor and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.

Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."

SOUTHERN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

If you are a REAL Southerner, you won't even need to be told to pass this on!
 
Old December 5th, 2012 #1416
Sam Fisher
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Near the kike hive
Posts: 1,078
Default

Da fuq is up with that girl tickling cartoon?

Just hide it from Akins!
 
Old December 5th, 2012 #1417
Freya von Asgard
卍 Überfrau 卐
 
Freya von Asgard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Angers
Posts: 890
Blog Entries: 34
Default

__________________
Nemo me impune lacessit: sanctificetur nomen meum, adveniat regnum meum, et fiat voluntas mea in terra

卍 Freya Magna, Augusta Europaea 卐
 
Old December 6th, 2012 #1418
Leonard Rouse
Celebrating My Diversity
 
Leonard Rouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: With The Creepy-Ass Crackahs
Posts: 8,156
Default

 
Old December 6th, 2012 #1419
Thad Charles
Master Race
 
Thad Charles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: neo-Weimar JewSA
Posts: 1,568
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlefieldjohn View Post

Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over sweet tea, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."
Nuts! Now that's chutzpah.
__________________
"What are they? A religion, a race, a criminal conspiracy?" - Craig 'Chain' Cobb on the jews
 
Old December 7th, 2012 #1420
Crowe
Senior Member
 
Crowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8,089
Default



 
Reply

Tags
#1, funny, humor, images, jokes, pictures

Share


Thread
Display Modes


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:08 AM.
Page generated in 1.09099 seconds.