(#1 Jokes thread) Jokes, Humor - funny pictures...yust put it.

[Hugh]

YouTube- Best Bob Hope movie line

YouTube- Best Bob Hope movie line

[Justin]

Originally Posted by Hugh

YouTube- Best Bob Hope movie line

Ok, another one that's just true. Still funny though.

[Hugh]

YouTube- Weird Al Yankovic - I'm a Wigga

YouTube- Weird Al Yankovic - I'm a Wigga

[varg]

That's not Weird Al singing that

[Justin]

Originally Posted by varg

That's not Weird Al singing that

It's not on that cd either. I have that one, lol.

[William Hyde]

[Dale VanderMeer]

This threads first two posts made me remember this ditty.:

A man and his parrot go for a walk and find a bunch of people trying to get a man out of a pothole.
One man yells, "Throw him a rope," so the parrot repeats, "Throw him a rope, throw him a rope."
Next, the man and the parrot go to the deli and order a bologna sandwich.
The parrot repeats, "Bologna, bologna."
Mext, the man goes to the carnival with his parrot, and play the game where you throw a dart at the balloon. The carni yells, "Hit a color, win a prize," so the parrot repeats, "Hit a color, win a prize, hit a color, win a prize."
The next day the man and his parrot go to church and the minister is talking about the devil, and the parrot yells, "Throw him a rope, throw him a rope."
The priest then tells the parrot if he continues to be rude, he would be going to hell, to which the parrot replies
"Bologna, bologna."
The priest then gets angry and throws his bible at the parrot who ducked, the bible hit the nigger in the pew behind him, and the parrot exclaims, "Hit a color, win a prize, hit a color, win a prize!"

[Amy]

[Johnny James]

[Dale VanderMeer]

A nigger with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, where did you get that?"
The parrot says, "Africa! There are millions of them over there just sitting around"

Originally Posted by Dale VanderMeer

This threads first two posts made me remember this ditty.:

[Leonard Rouse]

I was having some trouble the other day.

I told my wife. . ."one day I think I'm a teepee, next day I think I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. I don't know what's going on".

She said "well, you're too tense".

[Dale VanderMeer]

World War 2 communications and History on FaceBook!
That's hilarious, Johnny James! Can someone give him rep? I'm out of it for the moment.

Originally Posted by Johnny James

"World War 2 meets FaceBook" IMAGE

[William Hyde]

A nigger with a parrot on his shoulder goes in to see the doctor. The doctor looks up and says, "What seems to be the problem?"
and the parrot says, "I don't know - it started as a growth on my ass!"

[Hugh]

Originally Posted by varg

That's not Weird Al singing that

Alas, I was deceived by Orcs, and stand humbled, and ashamed.

Da troo orthor wuz diz wun aparintli

YouTube- I'm a Wigga Live by Original Writer - Read Description

YouTube- I'm a Wigga Live by Original Writer - Read Description

[Stronza]

From the August issue of AWAKE!

New monks in Thailand have been "sullying the reputation of the conservative Buddhist faith" by wearing lipstick, overtightening their robes, "walking with an exaggerated swing of the hips and carrying handbags", says a news report from Bangkok. Concern over the behavior of homosexual novices has moved religious authorities to propose training monks in matters of decorum. A leading Buddhist preacher explained that homosexuality in itself is not banned among monks, "otherwise more than half of them would be defrocked."

[Dale VanderMeer]

When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.

Or one of my own: If a White and Black JW comes to your door, invite them in and tell them once after they ask if you know god, tell them "I'm a CI." ( The White guy looked at the Black guy and thought for a moment. The look on his face was priceless. )

Originally Posted by Stronza

From the August issue of AWAKE!

[Justin]

What's a "CI"? Sorry, I'm horrible with abbreviations and names...

[Nick Apleece]

Originally Posted by Justin

What's a "CI"? Sorry, I'm horrible with abbreviations and names...

Christian Identity, the belief that Whites are the true Israelites of the Bible, the children of God, and that Jews are impostors and the children of Satan.

[Justin]

Originally Posted by Nick Apleece

Christian Identity, the belief that Whites are the true Israelites of the Bible, the children of God, and that Jews are impostors and the children of Satan.

Ah, yeah I'd have never figured that one out on my own, lol. So they think joos are imposters and the children of satan, yet they worship a dead joo and the joo's god? How does that make any sense at all?

[Dale VanderMeer]

It's just a joke. And I did do that to two Jehovah's Witnesses. It got them out of my house real fast also.

Originally Posted by Justin

Ah, yeah I'd have never figured that one out on my own, lol. So they think joos are imposters and the children of satan, yet they worship a dead joo and the joo's god? How does that make any sense at all?